Where are all the things I want to say?

Lights, Camera, Action! That phrase is usually used in theater but when I think of it I think of the creation of Animation. Im pretty sure when cartoonist draw they need all those objects, esp. if it turns into a anime.Well since my life revolves around animation and I just wish I was in a real animated world, the easiest assignment for me was the visual argument yet the most challenging. I could understand what the ad was actually selling but I couldn't get the actual message behind it Until someone saw it from a different point of view.  That person pointed out that the spider actually looked like a lip ring and then the ideas started flowing from there. Peer review definitely helps when you are having writers block or just need a different perspective.I think Peer Review helped me to analyze context better and try to look outside the box.Another challenging essay was the essay about others editioral, im usually not a critical person so it was pretty hard to find flaws in someone's paper, but the more I read it over i slowly uncovered the little flaws within his paper.  In the upcoming English classes I definitely need to work on my flow of papers and the transition, just because I have great hooks doesn't mean I make sense throughout my paper. With these challenges that I have yet to overcome, I wish I worked more on the flow of the paper rather than the small details, I'm a sucker for huge grammar and spelling when I'm not rushing. I believe I'm just better with fiction writing or creative writing, it's more expressive and fun than an argument essay, unless it's about a topic you're passionate for. Always try your best to exceed expectations, they are to surpass not to achieve.

PREGUNTAS!?!

One question: Do people understand my thesis? D:

2: Does my topic sentence and ending sentence relate to the following para and relate to the thesis?

3: Doesn't his paper suck? j.k What else do I need to improve on?

FEEDBACK COME TO MEE.

Welp I decided to put my slight insomnia to use and rewrote some stuff.. ~le sigh~

Revisions, will they ever end?

Taiesha Edwards

Draft 3

Ever get that feeling when something bad happens to the hero out of everyone in the whole movie? When you thought the hero would get back up and be alright but he/she didn’t and the movie ended? That heart throbbing feeling is exactly what I felt when I heard about the Sandy Hook School shooting. It was emotional for everyone, for people that did not even live in Connecticut or for anyone who had any relation to the school itself. To hear that tons of innocent children and teachers died while at school was devastating. School was thought of to be the safest place for children, but now who can agree to that?  This tragedy has opened the eyes of many, such as an author from the Connecticut Post named Bruce Morris. In his editorial, “Mental Health Support Key To Problem” Bruce describes the well known tragic mass murder that happened in Newtown, Connecticut. Bruce also tries to get to bottom of how to prevent this from occurring again.The author’s argument is that the shooting occurred because of many possible reasons such as teachers and parents not being trained enough to identify mental health problems with kids,not enough funding for awareness programs and tighten gun regulations laws. His main thesis is that people do not have enough access to mental health care. Many of these reasons may be true, but the way he wrote this editorial angered me because I, being a reader wasn’t sure what action I was supposed to take. His argument is not valid because it is informative rather than having an actual argument within it. Although the author provides ideas that boost his credibility his argument is full of fallacies and therefore confuses the audience.

This first fallacy that Bruce produces is hasty generalization. This quote states, “about 60 percent of children and adolescents have untreated mental health problems is a sure recipe for future tragedies and an unproductive future..”,which contains a fallacy of hasty generalization because the author is saying that most people with mental health problems will be subjected to creating chaos, when many people who have mental health problems and are very successful. Although he addresses a valid reason for the school shootings,” that people do not pay enough attention to their children and their health problems” he mentions some generalization in his wording, which would probably get a negative effect from the reader.

Readers gain negative feelings towards a piece of work when it is biased, commits fallacies and is not straightforward. Throughout the editorial the author makes the reader question his credibility because he doesn’t get straight to the point . First he provides the uncited quote “about 60 percent...”, but then regains some of his credibility when he sees the other side of the problem, which is maybe parents and teachers are not trained or educated enough to notice that kids could have mental disorders. However, his credibility is shot down yet again when he gives us almost useless information. First he gives us a conflict: the sandy hook incident, a solution: invent programs to help teachers and parents identify kids with mental health problems and to shoot down the solution: “President Barack Obama wants to allocate $15 million for training for teachers and other adults to detect and respond to mental illness in children and young adults, but frankly the federal funding split among 50 states is not going to be enough and Connecticut will have to consider doing more.” This confuses the audience because now the reader is like well what are we suppose to do then?

As some readers can tell, Bruce is all over the place. He also mentions the gun regulations should be more strict. The author then touches on the topic of not being able to access health care and if you do have health insurance, it does not mean that you will get the proper care. This seems to be resorting to a refutation strategy because he was seeing the opposing side and counteracting it. Using this tactic makes someone’s piece of work, predictable and too “perfect”. Since Bruce counteracts all of the possible arguments against his own that it seems as if he was trying to create the perfect essay, which destroyed the main points of his paper.  In this editorial it says all the solutions of how we can prevent these certain crimes, there is no arguing in that but so what? Now that I’m very informed of the situation and have been given some solutions that have been either shot down or not fully shed a light on by the public eye, what was the purpose of this editorial?

What have you read so far? A situation that pulled on emotions and a disappointing editorial that seemed to have gotten no where but stating the problems and solutions but not telling us what to do next, should we take action? stand by? This editorial needs more convincing language because I felt as if I just read a report about the situation. He should have not to rely on this Sandy Hook situation to draw in readers and expect them to agree with whatever he says.

~Yes i have to add more .-.

Options, something we don't get often

The essay that I've decided to revise is the one about the opinion piece because I felt as if that was all I could say about the advertisement argument. I chose this essay because I know I can get a better grade than that,  even though it is my first time writing this sort of essay. It's the lowest grade I got in writing before, and it sucks to see that since i'm usually good at writing. Hopefully I'll take my time and try to rewrite most sentences so I won't be so vague, which is a common problem when I'm writing because I assume the reader already knows what I'm referring to. I want to better explain my ideas, so that the reader knows exactly where I'm coming from. Also I know I have to add more quotes from the actual article, its just hard trying to write a lot about a short opinion piece. I want to also improve on my transitioning words, ending and topic sentences, and to try not to repeat my point unless its rephrased. I should probably talk about the actual rhetorical devices like logos,ethos and pathos that the author successfully or non successfully uses. I aim to get a higher grade altogether.

Emotions aren't everything.

Taiesha Edwards

.

Ever get that feeling when something bad happens to the hero out of everyone in the whole movie? When you thought the hero would get back up and be alright but he/she didn’t and the movie ended? That heart throbbing feeling is exactly what I felt when I heard about the Sandy Hook School shooting. It was emotional for everyone, for people that did not even live in Connecticut or for anyone who had any relation to the school itself. To hear that tons of innocent children and teachers died while at school was devastating. School was thought of to be the safest place for children, but now who can agree to that?  This tragedy has opened the eyes of many, such as an author from the Connecticut Post named Bruce Morris. In his editorial, “Mental Health Support Key To Problem” Bruce describes the well known tragic mass murder that happened in Newtown, Connecticut. Bruce also tries to get to bottom of why this shooting occurred. The author’s argument is that the shooting occurred because of many possible reasons. Many of these reasons may be true, but the way he wrote this editorial angered me because he wasn’t precise on addressing one problem. His argument is not valid because it does not sound like a argument to begin with. Although the author provides ideas that boost his credibility his argument is full of fallacies and therefore confuses the audience.

This first fallacy that the author produces is hasty generalization. The author addresses that the reason for the school shooting is because people do not pay enough attention to their children and their health problems. In this quote, “about 60 percent of children and adolescents have untreated mental health problems is a sure recipe for future tragedies and an unproductive future..”, it contains a fallacy of hasty generalization because the author is saying that most people with mental health problems will be subjected to creating chaos, when many people who have mental health problems and are very successful. Him generalizing all kids, makes his point invalid and some readers might even take offense to it, if they are suffering from a mental disorder themselves.

Throughout the editorial the author makes the reader question his credibility. First he provides the uncited quote in the paragraph above this one, but then regains some of his credibility when he sees the other side of the problem, which is maybe parents and teachers are not trained or educated enough to notice that kids could have mental disorders. His credibility is shot down yet again when he uses a slippery slope fallacy, mentioning that Barack Obama brushed upon this topic before and wants to get money for programs that can help but it still will not be enough. This confuses the audience because now they don’t really have any hope for the programs to get funding.

As some readers can tell, Bruce is all over the place. He also mentions the gun regulations should be more strict. The author then touches on the topic of not being able to access health care and if you do have health insurance, it does not mean that you will get the proper care. This seems to be resorting to a straw man fallacy because he was seeing the opposing side and counteracting it. In this editorial it says all the solutions of how we can prevent these certain crimes. There is no arguing in that but so what, what can the reader do to help?

What have you read so far? A well known event that pulled on emotions and a disappointing editorial that seemed to have gotten no where but stating the problems and not many solutions. Personally, I do not understand what action Bruce wants me to take, seeing as I am a college student racking up debt and trying to maintain satisfactory grades. This makes me feel as if I can not help make those solutions come true. This editorial needs more facts and not to rely on this Sandy Hook situation to draw in readers and expect them to agree with whatever he says.

Don't be deceived.

I actually think that Kohn's argument is pretty good. He talks about how the opposing side just relies on SAT scores, and elite university student grades.  "First, it is difficult to argue that a standardized test taken in high school and grades for college course work are measuring the same thing. "this quote says that the opposing people don't consider whether what high school they went to where the curriculum they were taught helped them achieve the A's in college and get better SAT scores, The opposing side doesn't take notice into whom has took the SAT's, there are bad test takers, people that don't study, and people who don't even take the SAT's at all, so there are not even counting the whole population. It sounds like Kohn even noticed that there argument is not even a argument  they are begging the question. Their claim is "Grades are inflated because teachers are too lenient in grading" basically, this is begging the question because every teacher has a different curriculum, syllabus, grading system and teacher style so with their argument they are not really going to get far. The author mentions that it also depends on the type of test their taking, because when you take multiple choice questions, it doesn't really get into depth of what you should know it just covers the surface of the topic. The author then explains the reasons for grade inflation such as getting into good graduate schools (where experience matters more than grades) and special awards look good on resumes. His argument was successful because he poked holes through his opposing argument, stated why the topic was relevant and gave some support of from his own research.

What I wanted to say -_-

You thought the matador was the only daredevil?

What’s a huge aspect of the world that college kids don’t really pay attention to? If you guessed Economics or the Business Industry then you are correct. We usually don’t pay that much attention to advertisements but they play a huge role in society. Imagine not having advertisements, pretty hard right? In our society, most advertisers put a lot of thought into how they want to advertise their product, the colors they use,fonts and they even think about the background. Advertisers know what diverts your attention towards specific signs and they use those tactics to make their new signs. When you glance over a sign you usually see people promoting their new product and how awesome it is, but what about the deeper meaning to them, the message behind the surface?

I’ve picked an advertisement from a coffee maker called Stella and their slogan is “the bite of coffee” in between two little frame like designs, which is on the bottom right hand corner on the left of the actual image of the miniature coffee maker. This advertisement displays , it shows from the nose down to the ending of young woman’s red lips with a brownish white background so that they can focus more on the face.The illustrator knows that red lips are very eye catching. Then there is an eight legged spider on top of the red luscious lips but this spider is not the usual black, fuzzy, creepy arachnid because it is molded by coffee beans.I believe that this advertisement is trying to sell risk taking.

In America, almost everyone drinks coffee, including myself. People drink coffee because it gives them the quick energy they need, they are addicted to it, and they like the way it taste or all of the above. The spider is a huge symbolic character, when you think of spiders you think of poisonous, dangerous, and creepy critters right? The spider is shaped as combination of coffee beans because that’s what coffee is, poisonous and so drinking it, you are therefore a risk taker. Coffee stains your teeth, has caffeine which happens to be very addictive, causes coffee breath, causes anxiety, restlessness and the list continues, and us coffee lovers frankly don’t care. Speaking from my point of view, I believe people still love coffee because it has become the normal thing to do, just wake up make a cup of coffee before you go to work or school or just run to Dunkin Donuts or any other available coffee place.

The spider could symbolize a lip ring and that is another risk taking action, getting a piercing, I should know I do have three.This activity risk taking because you’re going to make your newly, clean piercing out into the world of germs & bacteria and infections, even diseases. Hopefully people get it done by a professional so the risk of getting diseases from dirty needles are lowered. It’s risk taking because not only are you risking your health when getting a piercing, for example if you get your tongue pierced you can possibly mess up your teeth, and you are taking a risk from the pain that you’ll go through for a couple of seconds.

The illustrator of this advertisement probably thought that it would catch people's attention but is not the most attractive way to get customers to buy their coffee machines because most people don’t like spiders. Others might think that it was really creative in how they displayed their slogan. With my interpretation of the advertisement 

I picked the title, “you thought the matador was the only daredevil?” because of course there are more reckless things that people can do like being a matador but did you really think about how risky it was just drinking coffee or getting piercings?